Issue 22: Contemplating Childhood with Liara Tamani
Sorting through the memories and influences from growing up with consciousness.
Heeey KP!
Today’s issue is a good one for those of us still working through our childhood issues - so I guess this means all of us, haha! I love how thoughtful and real Liara is about the challenges related to coming of age - and the aftermath! She shares a little of herself in every book she writes and the humanity of her wisdom and respect for the growing up process always shines through. You’ll find the same in this KP Q&A! As an adult reader, I love reading her YA (young adult) books for a bit of nostalgia and to feel held in ways that escaped me during adolescence. Happy reading and healing!
Flavor of the Week: KP Q&A with Liara Tamani
Liara Tamani is the author of the acclaimed young adult novels Calling My Name, All the Things We Never Knew, and What She Missed. Her words have appeared in Time Magazine, NPR, and The New York Times. And her work has been featured by Good Morning America, Buzzfeed, Essence Magazine, Teen Vogue, and more. Before becoming a writer, she attended Harvard Law School and worked as a marketing coordinator for the Houston Rockets & Comets, production assistant for Girlfriends (TV show), home accessories designer, floral designer, and yoga and dance teacher. She holds an MFA in writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts and a BA from Duke University. Liara lives in Houston, Texas. Follow Liara on IG @liaratamani or check out her site liaratamani.com.
Introduce yourself more personally in 2-3 sentences.
Hello! My name is Liara Tamani, though my last name recently changed as I am recently married. I have a 12 year-old daughter who is a handful that I'm trying to keep ahead of. My life revolves around my daughter, my husband and writing. I try to do it every day or when I need to make my deadline!
Where are you from?
I grew up in Houston, Texas, and I was born in Akron, Ohio.
No, where are you REALLY from? (Haha!)
It's funny that you ask that question because people don't ask it here generally of African-Americans. But when I am in Europe, or when I was studying in Europe, that was always the question, “No, where are you really from?” You're from America or Texas. But where are you really from? Because most of the black people there are really from Nigeria, are really from Jamaica, are really from… and they know their roots and they know their origin story.
But I don't know. My parents are from Ohio. And that's all I know. I can't trace back beyond that. I don't know the origin of where my people are from ancestrally. So really, I'm from Texas and my parents are from Ohio, and I was born in Ohio.
What’s your sign?
I'm a Gemini.
How would you describe yourself in five words?
I think I'm fun. Impatient. Loving. Open. And funny.
What’s your connection to Komerican culture?
I would say I don’t have a connection to the culture — but to people.
And of course, what are your favorite Korean foods?
I don't have a favorite Korean food!
What was your childhood like and what has it taught you?
I think fresh out of childhood, I felt that my childhood was really strict and I had all types of rules and boundaries and that I grew up in a very religious home. I feel like trying to find my way and my own sense of spirituality outside of that really tight, really, really religious upbringing was hard. And I felt like it was traumatic in a lot of ways. But now that I've moved beyond that trauma, I appreciate it now. First of all, let me just say I had a very loving family and that was always there – that was the core. Even though I did feel so much guilt and shame and all the emotions. That's what Calling My Name is about really.
But as an adult, I appreciate the guardrails that it put up for me. And I know that in my spirituality now – whether it's with meditation or yoga or just being present – I feel like I can access God essentially, and it has its roots in my upbringing. Now the way I guide my daughter, I have the experience of the trauma but I also have the experience of knowing you also need some kind of guidance system. I thought I was able to provide that guidance system myself, but no! She needs more structure than I was able to give her. I think she needs more just to navigate the world.
Can you share something exciting that you’re working on now?
What else am I working on besides going to volleyball [for my daughter]? I'm in the gym or at the computer, or we're on the way to school, lol! But yeah, what I'm working on is a new book, book four, and it is romance! And about love in general. Another YA [young adult] novel.
What do people underestimate about you?
It depends on who you're talking to and how well they know me! Most people have not seen the feisty side of me. I'm a “don’t start none, won't be none” type of person. Like don't start none and there won't be none! But if you start something, I normally can rise to the occasion.
Also, I would say I am very resilient. I've been through things and have had some experiences. But I don't know if that's something people go around underestimating about me. Most people are dealing with themselves, They’re not worried about other people. I don't know how much people are actually thinking about me or underestimating me at all.
Share your proudest moment in the past year.
Having a book [What She Missed] and getting it out into the world was a proud moment. It was a struggle to write and I don't know if I felt proud at the time. But it is definitely an accomplishment.
What was your hardest moment in the past year?
Interesting! I think my daughter provides me with my greatest challenges. Just trying to guide her and stay patient — to help her really be her best self. My daughter is growing up with a level of privilege, and she's so relaxed and she's so chill and it's like, come on! But then at the same time, this is her experience, and this is her life. I think about her the most and I'm challenged by her the most – in how I react, instruct, and just try to be an overall good parent. I'm wanting to be the best mother I can for her and I want to lead her in the best way that I can. It definitely causes me the most stress.
We’ve all been hurt in some form or fashion. What are you healing from?
I mean, there's always childhood isn't there? It definitely leaves its impression, doesn't it? I think the reason it’s so hard to overcome is because you develop so many habits unconsciously from it. The habits become so ingrained. Choosing differently and making different conscious choices is so important to creating the life that you want for yourself. Working on making decisions for yourself and having a conscious way of being around people instead of reacting to them.
I don't know what specifically I’m healing from – but I would say childhood wounds, wounds from my first marriage, wounds with different people, and the bumps and bruises that you get in life along the way, because we all get them!
How do you love yourself?
I feel like writing is a big way I love myself. It is important to give myself the time to express, to be creative, and to put something out into the world and to make a contribution. To feel all of those things. It's a gift to be able to do it and something I give myself, even when there are other things calling me
Moving my body is another way I love myself, for sure. I try to go to the gym every day and it keeps me happy. It literally keeps me sane! When I don’t do it, I don’t feel well. During COVID when I stopped going to the gym, I was depressed and I've never been depressed in my life! I like seeing people and I like dancing at the gym and doing yoga. I feel like dancing is just so freeing. And it's spiritual, both yoga and dance. Both things I love to do. They're both forms of expression. Dance is so liberating in a sense, and yoga is more meditative, inside of yourself.
How do you love others?
So many different ways. I think you have to know a person to know what they need. I think paying attention is the biggest thing, because if you're paying attention to them then you know what they need when they need it. Everybody needs different things at different times, right? But if you're not paying attention, then you will have no idea what those things are. If you are paying attention, then you can try to be there for people in the ways that they need.
What five things can you not live without?
Yoga. Dance. Writing. Nature. People.
What’s your favorite dance song?
Calm Down by Rema with Selena Gomez.
What’s your favorite kind of pie?
I'm not a super pie person. But I mean, an apple cobbler with some ice cream is okay!
This Q&A took place online, was transcribed, and edited for clarity.
H Mart Happiness: What’s your favorite product and why?
“There’s so much goodness at H Mart but I have to say Pulmuone products are my fave! I especially love their semi-instant meals like jjajang myun and naeng. myun when I’m in a pinch.” - Florence L.
What’s your favorite H Mart product? Leave a comment and share the love!
Crispy Crust: A Hint of Han - Subversive poetry that soothes
Monolids
When I grow up
If I ever have a daughter
I will never ask her
"Do you want to get your eyelids done?"
My mom asked me - her own flesh and blood
to cut my own flesh and blood
For what?
To come up short
In the sport of chasing Caucasian?
My eyes are just fine.
***Love, Sarah
Korean School: The Vibrant Indie Bookstore Scene in Korea
Fun facts, idioms, translations and history
Bookstores are called 책방 Chaek-Bahang or 서점 Seo-Jum in Korean. Independent bookstores are called 독립서점 Dok-rip-seo-jum. While there are big bookstore chains like Kyobo Books or Youngpoong Books in Seoul and major cities in South Korea, many independent bookstores are also thriving and exist in every corner of the country. To differentiate themselves from big bookstore chains, these independent bookstores distinguish themselves by focusing on their unique characteristics. Sometimes it’s the genre of books they carry, sometimes it’s how they are run.
There is even a website “Dong-Nae-Seo-Jum (Neighborhood Bookstores)” dedicated to locating indie bookstores by area all throughout Korea. With 902 registered bookstores nationwide and a total of 1522 registered spots including libraries and cultural places, this site is a good resource to find fun and independent book’ish spots.
The next time you travel to Korea, visit independent bookstores to get a distinctive feel for a neighborhood or town. In Seoul, you can go on tour of indie bookstores in a concentrated area called 책방길 chaek-bahng-gil.
Sweet & Salty: A list of the tastiest treats satisfying all the senses
Yo-Yo Ma Says He's Living His Best Childhood Now is a fantastic episode of Fresh Air — especially if you’re seeking to reclaim lost parts of youth and live with freedom and connection. It was really fun to learn (*spoiler alert!*) that this supremely accomplished and world-famous cellist was so rebellious at age 15, that he cut classes and was taken to the hospital for drunkeness and his father had to pick him up as a minor.
I love this motto from Pipsticks, “Life is happier with stickers.” So true! I loved stickers as a child, and still do! (Shoutout to Pip’s Hello Kitty and Friends Collection!) My daughter is a sticker club member, which means
we(ahem) she gets a pack of stickers in the mail every month that sparks joy and encourages creativity. I met the founder Mo in NYC many years ago through a friend, right before she launched Pipsticks. It’s so great to witness people turn their passions into not only a business, but a huge success!